Girl Talk: being single & self worth

Welcome back,

Today I thought we’d have a sit down together and just have a little girl talk kinda post, where I’ll share some of the reasons of why this 22 year old girl is still single, despite the amazing sense of humour she has (shocking I know). I’d be lying if I said that my younger self knew I’d still be here, which is kind of a relief as my younger self wanted to be married with at least one kid at this point (yes I sure was a dreamer). Often the curiosity of self worth also plays a part during the time of singularity – of course everyone has a different take on their single life, where other scenarios play a part. What is important is the way in which you spend that time knowing yourself and knowing your true worth; believe it or not but you deserve to be treated better than a second choice. You are better than that.

I don’t know about your thoughts on this but trying to date in today’s century is one hell of a rollercoaster, it’s literally like a never ending game of cluedo, where new puzzles are being thrown at you from every possible angle. There is the ‘talking’ stage where you get to know each other, which then moves to the ‘seeing’ stage (where you’re dating but not ‘officially’) and so on. A lot to take on right? Well welcome to the millennials way of dating in the 21st century hahah. The bizarre thing is that there are people that would be able to get through the ‘talking’ stage with multiple people, which I’m not shaming at all. I would do the same but keeping up with so many people at once seems too much work for me for starters, plus I’m not one to enjoy wasting my own time never mind someone else’s. I guess you can say that’s one of the reasons why I’m still single. If I like the person or feel something there then I’d happily pursue it, however if there’s a certain part of uncertainty then my gut feeling is 70% right most of the time.

Personally, I have good and bad days when I think about myself being single, it’s hard not to feel lonely when there are people around you all loved up and whatnot. As depressive as it may sound, it just gets you down wondering on what it is about yourself that people do not like. For instance, whether there is a certain personality trait that people just cannot hack about you. On the other hand, I’ve had the chance to get to know myself during my single phase, as in what I want from my ideal partner and spending the free time having fun as you’re meant to in your 20s. I may be doing half of the things on my own but at least I can say I’ve discovered more about myself in 2018 than any other years.

I’m not scared to admit that I’ve been rejected numerous times and yes it used to hurt me and knock my confidence, but as time went on I just grew used to it. I never realised how destructive this way of acceptance was to myself, as I’d think there was something wrong with me personally. As time went on, I no longer allowed myself to devalue my worth because of the rejections, but rather remember that they weren’t right for me for a reason. I just have faith that God has someone better lined up for me. By no means was it easy to build up the confidence in myself as it wasn’t that high to begin with haha, however having supportive friends around me and knowing how to gradually self love helped me raise that bar. I’ve still got a while to go ahead but I’m happy with the progress I’ve made so far in my life.

Before I close the post, I thought I’d summarise some of what I’ve learned in 3 quick bullet points:

1) No matter what anyone says your feelings always comes first and it’s okay to express them. Don’t allow yourself to leave your feelings second to last by wanting to please the other person first.

2) Don’t spend your life thinking of the ‘what ifs’. Spend your days looking forward to the future, rather than second guessing the past.

3) Don’t let the society pressure you into getting into a relationship and marriage etc, especially if you’re still as young as myself. I’m not saying that it’s intentional all the time but just remember that you’ve got a lot of years ahead of you left to do these things. (my favourite one that a close friend of mine always reminds me).

Of course I’m not saying I ain’t open to meet people – if the person approached me right. It’s just that I’m done searching for it and letting fate take its course in my life, as I continue to enjoy the best things that life has to offer.

I hope you enjoyed the post and if you’d like to see me share some more personal experiences like these then let me know in the comments.

Wishing you all a happy Sunday!

Yours Truly,

Melanin Talks x

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