How to: stop living in fear

Welcome back,

On today’s post, we’ll be talking about fear and how to overcome it, in order to live out 2019 to the fullest. For I believe that fear is something that stops us from really living out our best lives and the inability to move past it, is what really holds us back from our potential. Me and fear are very acquainted with one another in my life (oh you have no idea haha). It can be said that with time, I have learned to not allow fear to control my experiences. Of course this was no easy journey nor am I there yet. As with any negative impulses that I find in my life, I work on overcoming it with faith, help and many many youtube videos from relatable influencers. One of these being Breeny Lee and yes I mentioned her on my past post here, but that just shows on how much her car pep talks has helped me along the way. In the dictionary, fear is defined as an “unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm”. Whereas Breeny, in her videos, defines fear as “False Evidence Appearing Real”; I personally prefer the latter definition because it truly explains that fear is nothing more than a figment which you have predetermined inside your mind. An evidence which you have built up so much that you have made it seem real. These can be a variety of things such as failure, rejection, poverty, defeat and much more.

What is it that you fear the most? For me, the two consistent things that I fear is failure and rejection. In my head, I would have been thinking 10 steps ahead with many ‘what ifs’ rather than thinking of the positive outcomes. Breeny highlights in her video how fear is nothing but deceptive. She adds on how we cannot allow fear to stop us from doing what we want to accomplish. For instance, I used to fear going to events/parties on my own, because I disliked the idea of finding nobody to get along with (despite my bubbly personality, I’m shy at the beginning). I’d pump myself to go until the time actually came and I’d be having a meltdown inside. After some time, I felt disappointed with myself for missing out on opportunities in my life, all due to not wanting to attend without an familiar face alongside me. At the end of last year, I plucked up the courage to network with new people at Purpose Leaders (wrote all about it here) and you know what…I LOVED IT!! For once, I realised that meeting new people isn’t as bad as I thought, if I make the effort to try to get to know them. I experienced my fear, acknowledged it and learned from it. This is what I needed to do in order to break that fear in my life. From then on, I’ve actively been getting myself out of my safe, little comfort bubble and experiencing more of the opportunities that are out there. As a result, I’ve felt a shift in my life when it comes to being in an unknown environment/new people.

So what’s your point?

By allowing our False Evidence to Appear Real in our lives, we consequently barricade our blessings which wait beyond that fear, beyond that door that you choose not to open. Behind that door are your goals and passions which you’ve desired throughout your life. You are unable to look beyond that door because its shut and YOU have chosen not to open it. If I got an £1 for each time that my fear of failing (after multitude of failures) has stopped me from trying in an certain area, I’d honestly be a millionaire by now. However, that fear has also comes with frustration, on my inability to try again and in hope that I would not fail next time. My point is that you shouldn’t allow your figments of fear to stop you from reaching your desires in life. As I briefly mentioned above, you need to experience fear, acknowledge the false evidence and learn from it for future reference. By taking these steps as the day goes by, you’ll learn to take control of your fear(s) immediately as they appear. Yes, it will take time but in that patience of waiting, you’ll reach your gratification.

Here are my tips…

Although I’m still learning on overcoming fears and living that fearless life, I’m going to give you some tips that I’ve been handed and of those that I’ve come across. So here they are:

1. Rationalise your fear – is it really as bad as your mind is making it out to be? Make a list of the fears and what could actually happen in reality
2. Source the root – where has the fear come from? Is it something that you can overcome on your own?
3. Think positive – look at the positive outcomes that could come out from the thing that you fear (e.g. job interview)
4. Say “enough is enough” – now this is something that you have to tell yourself with chest. Tell your fear(s) that you’re no longer a pawn in their game.

So set yourself a target of overcoming one of your fears head on. Whether it be something small or something that you’ve been waiting to overcome. Go out and do it! For you deserve more than a false evidence to stop you from becoming the better version of yourself.

Your Truly,

Melanin Talks x

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