Dating: beyond the labels

Welcome back,

Today’s post will be the final part to the being single trilogy. If you are new or have no idea as to what I am referring to at all, click on the titles below and get yourself all caught up. Although they were written mid last year, they are very much still transferable to the 2020 madness.

Freedom: date yourself

Being single: not alone

As mentioned, this is part 3 of the trilogy and it is sadly going to conclude that chapter (till the foreseeable future). I always find it hard to write these posts because you somewhat feel  criticized for addressing them, although I never generalise a particular society or group(s). If anything, these posts help me – as a happily single girl – put things into perspective, which I would not have necessarily considered until I sat down and thought about it. So, in this section I will be focusing on the fascination over labels such as #couplegoals #togetherforever #relationshipgoals #couples etc. I think you guys get the idea of these hashtags and so on.

What is the deal with the hashtags?

I could not tell you how these popular couple hashtags came about or who kick-started the trend. All I know is that these hashtags and labels merely add to the conception that being single is boring and lonely, whereas it’s more fun being in a relationship. They portray relationships as a lifestyle which does not necessarily represent all of it. Your happily ever after hashtags fail to mention the downs of relationships too….am I wrong? I do think that these labels have a way of portraying a misconception to those that come across them on social media. Do not get it twisted, it’s not as if I dislike people for wanting to post pictures of their other halves on social media; you’re free to show your happiness and all in its delight. The issue lies on the 45% of people that include these hashtags to feel part of the #relationshipgoals group.

Girl, why you so salty?

It has absolutely nothing to do about me being salty. I am just trying to understand the reason behind these labels. Does one truly need to display or seek validation from other people on social media? Particularly when all the hashtags do is become a game of which couple can present themselves as the ultimate #couplegoals. Then you will find people that are single or yet to be in a relationship viewing these fairy-tale relationships on their feed and wanting the same. Why? Because the couple goals which they aspire to be like have omitted some facts or two. The so called ‘breaks’ and emotional rollercoasters that come along with it. Can you truly confirm that the individuals which represent #couplegoals have never had to fight for each other to be in the place that they are today. I don’t have to be a mind reader to answer that question for you.

Personally, I find it hard to come to terms that millennials of today are so eager to be in a relationship and jump on the couples’ hashtag. To the extent that they will waste their days as a single person and not have the opportunity to do some self-growth. Being single does not mean that you have picked the short end of the stick. At the end of the day, time is something that you cannot take back and would you not prefer being in a relationship that was meant for you. In comparison to one that you blindly rushed into due to societal pressure.

It is important to be mindful of the fact that relationship titles are not an accessory which you can put on and off whenever it suits you. These labels and hashtags may be something that you can delete at a click of a button but with a boyfriend/girlfriend it isn’t the case. So, take your time building yourself to the point where your partner will not be building your worth but adding to what you already have. As in with or without them you are still that badass person that cannot be shaken.

Let us try make 2020 more open minded and scrap the obsession over the #couplegoals hashtags. The intentions behind this blog post is not to vent or say that you don’t have the right to post your couple photos. All I’m saying is that you should use your time wisely and enjoy being single in a world fixated with relationships.

Yours Truly,

Melanin Talks x

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11 Comments

  1. Good post and what a nice phrase, “happily single.” There’s research showing that single people tend to be happier and healthier than coupled-up people, on average. Good for happily declaring that being single is absolutely fine if that’s what one wants.

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  2. This is what I call a true form of what someone believes in. I agree with what you say about why people seek validation. But I also have to say this: maybe that’s the only way they are able to be seen in the world. You don’t know that. At the end of the day, is what the person feels comfortable doing and if they wish to seek validation, let them be. Some people feel that it is the only way the world can see them and the only way that they can seek positivity and support from others. They might not get it at home. There is a saying I believe in, what you don’t get at home you search for elsewhere. Just putting it out there that you need to consider other people and what they go through.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I understand where you’re coming from with wanting to be seen in the world and there being people that seek that positivity from others. But surely at the same time it’s unhealthy getting it from elsewhere as that reinforcement is something that comes from those in that relationship…perhaps? Of course there can be more to it than what one sees but personally I feel as though it still brings forward that misconception.
      I do appreciate the comment though as it is something that needs to be considered and thought about more 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome. I just thought to bring another perspective into the mix. Sometimes a healthy debate is good. I understand how it can be unhealthy to seek from others but that’s only when you move beyond an invisible that has been crossed. Then it becomes unhealthy. I believe. But each to their own. It was nice to read another point of view. ☺️

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  3. Singleness is truly a gift and a wonderful time and I hate that society looks down on it as if it’s some curse or makes it seem like it’s some sort of terrible state

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This article is so real and deserves nothing but applause!!! #CouplesGoals are truly a joke. Not only do they trigger single ppl who may have been brainwashed by the media and friends to feel that they are lacking somehow, they can also trigger people who are in relationships but experiencing the ups and downs you talk about, and those who are the victims of heartbreak and maybe infidelity or abandonment and for them to ask themselves what is wrong with them! So yes I agree with everything you said here. Trash the labels, just focus on being the best you you can be

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing and I’m glad that I’m not the only one with this outlook on the labels 🙌🏾 They really do carry a heavy load of pressure. Even when it isn’t necessarily intentional, it’s something that people need to be more mindful of rather than portray a false image to the public

      Liked by 1 person

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